Drabble Thursdays #4

Finally back on board with this.

DISCLAIMER: Drabbles may suck.

01/03/2013

The thief was nervous today. It was time for something that he had never really done before: buying things with a stolen credit card, rather than just stealing them himself.

He came up to the checkout line with a few pieces of food, just to see if he could do it. The cashier, a young woman, smiled as she rang him up. “Did you know this is buy one get one today?” she said. “Want to get another one?”

He shook his head.

She leaned in, thinking he was nervous to talk to her. “You're cute.”

He turned and ran.

01/04/2013

Here I am, laying on the ground, covered in snow, wearing a tee shirt and shorts.

It was a bet, you see. Nobody thought I could do it. It's ten degrees out and nobody thinks I'm tough enough. They don't know what they're talking about. I'll show them.

Look at me. I'm hardly even cold. Yeah, it's chilly, but I'll be fine. I can take it. By the time it sinks in I'll be too numb to tell anyway.

It's cold, isn't it?

Man, I'm not sure if I can get up now. What do I do?

Will I die?

01/05/2013

Long wisps of orange flooded upward and lit the night, faintly thundering. A young man stood in front of the flames, watching them consume their prey.

Sirens whistled distantly, but it was too late. The house was already collapsing under its own weight, falling to nothing.

Then the crowds came, and he was the first one they noticed. “Arson,” people were saying.

“No,” said the young man. “This was my home, and nobody else was ever in it. I chose to do this.”

As he walked away, the people stared and cried, “Why?” But he couldn't explain it to them.

01/06/2013

The “Alex Bean” Challenge

The lady stopped in the doorway, gaping. “Is this the place for knitting classes?”

“Yes,” boomed the gruff, bald man in the center of the room. His arms were covered with tattoos. “Welcome, Nancy. I'm Alexander Bean, your instructor.”

“My name's not--”

“No need to be nervous, Nancy. I learned knitting in prison, you see. Come in, meet the other ladies. Nancy, this is Nancy and Nancy and...”

The women objected loudly that none of them were actually named Nancy. There was even another guy there.

“Alright, Nancies, I know you want to get started...”

01/07/2013

Everyone always talks about the “Zombie Apocalypse,” about who'll survive and what weapons they'll use. There's all these movies about it, too.

So we were taken completely off guard by the Derpy Apocalypse.

It started innocently enough. I mean, “derp” is just a common word that goes with every dumb moment. It's replaced “duh” pretty much completely by now.

Then people starting derping uncontrollably. We thought it was a joke, but it kept spreading, and they kept it up even when it was dangerous.

Now, the streets are filled with people running around yelling “DERP!” as loud as they can.

01/08/2013

There are lots of ways to get into other worlds. In some places there's a 25^th hour that's different from the rest of the world. Some people can pass into mirrors. And there are supposedly all kinds of ways to make a portal out of this reality.

I discovered another way, quite on accident. We were making objects move fast, faster than you can imagine. It's so fast that they pass through other things without stopping.

When we made it pass through a closed door, it vanished. Something about closed doors makes them ideal passages into other worlds. Ironic, no?

01/09/2013

A large, burly man came up to the podium and cleared his throat. “Citizens of the Underworld, I think we all know why we're here tonight. It needs no explanation. So I call upon thee, in the land of the dead, to unleash thy fury of--”

“THUNDER!” shouted a man in the audience. It was Eibmoz, playing a handheld video game.

The burly man at the podium was amazed at Eibmoz's insolence, and looked at him with... indignation.

Eibmoz then turned towards me, the author. “Good job. You just wasted a whole drabble on a joke nobody will get.”